Fluffy Happiness and Cute Things of Shiny Joy

Penguins!  Bunnies!  Kittens!  Puppies!*

In other words, when you’ve broken my code…

A List of Things and People That Can Go and Fuck Themselves

  • NewVCB, for inexplicably pissing me off today.
  • C.
  • Mr Director Person and, in all probability, Mr Chief Executive.
  • Random noises that I think represent entities that are lurking outside waiting to pounce on me when darkness falls.
  • Paedo.
  • Maisie.
  • The bloody grey misery of this bloody country.
  • Phones.  Cunts.  Fucking complete cunts.  Need to die.  Burn.  See you in hell, phones, you fucking fuckers of fuckery.
  • Fucking text messages. Sorry friends.
  • Not self-harming.  Cunt that shit.
  • Being alive.  Vastly overrated and pointless cuntified shit.
  • This fucking bed, for not being comfortable, for not making me sleep and for being too fucking warm.
  • Venlafuckingfaxine.  Pile of steaming bollocks.
  • Boredom.
  • Lazy MLA cunts for not yet having written back to me. Ditto Chair of the Health Committee.
  • Me. Cunt.
  • This blog. Fucking pile of pointless, narcissistic jism on a cunting plate.
  • My fucking legs for having Restless fucking Legs Syndrome, or so it appears.
  • Facebook. It’s just fucking shit.
  • My various alma maters. Cunts, one and all.
  • George cunting Osbourne. Smarmy, obnoxious twat.
  • Michael Gove, whilst we’re on the governmental theme. Offensive cunt.
  • You cuntbeads** at MI5 and/or GCHQ that are now reading this because I have mentioned you and senior ministers. Fuck you all.
  • ‘They’, Fake-Paedo and all their hallucinatory friends. Fuck you, bastardfaces. I challenge you to return. Go on, I fucking dare you. Cunts.
  • Wearing a fucking mask of ‘yeah, I’m fucking great, thank you for fucking asking,’ all the shitting time.
  • Bono. What a complete and utter hypocritical, sanctimonious fucker of Satan and nefariousness. Go and fuck yourself, you fucking bloodcot tossrag. See you in fucking hell, you shitfaced cunt.
  • This suburban street of fucking Joneses and polite hypocrisy and gossip. Piss off with your middle cunting classedness.
  • Cunting, fucking, bastarding fucking soaps.  Complete and uttery cuntery.  Who watches these cuntified fuckfilled heaps of shittery bile?  FUCK.
  • CBT.  DBT.  Piles of wank.
  • “Foodies”.  Pretentious wankers.
  • Today.  Tomorrow.  Forever.
  • Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah
  • EDITED TO ADD: Excellent addendum from Lovely Lola:
  • 1. David Cameron – I know nothing about politics but his face offends me.
    2. Whoever got rid of chocolate covered pretzels – Fuckers!
    3. Anyone with a design shaved into their head.
    4. Grown women with tiny dogs called “Froo-Froo” or similar nauseating bollocks.
    5. Doctors that talk to you like you are a mentally disabled 4 year old who has lived in a cupboard their entire life.
    6. Twats who wear their jeans around their thighs.  [Pan – YES!!!! YESSSS!!!!!]
    7. People that kiss their teeth as an insult.
    8. People who try and sign me up to whatever God they are promoting when I am trying to get to a bus stop.
    9. Tourists with cameras.
    10. People that scratch their balls/arse in public and the real bastards that sniff their hands afterwards.
    11. Thoughts that won’t just FUCK off.

*  I am not suggesting that penguins, puppies, bunnies or kittens go and fuck themselves, by the way.
** This was meant to read ‘cuntheads’, but I decided I liked the typographical error more 🙂

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9 thoughts on “Fluffy Happiness and Cute Things of Shiny Joy

  1. YES! YES! Can I add some?

    1. David Cameron – I know nothing about politics but his face offends me.
    2. Whoever got rid of chocolate covered pretzels – Fuckers!
    3. Anyone with a design shaved into their head.
    4. Grown women with tiny dogs called “Froo-Froo” or similar nauseating bollocks.
    5. Doctors that talk to you like you are a mentally disabled 4 year old who has lived in a cupboard their entire life.
    6. Twats who wear their jeans around their thighs.
    7. People that kiss their teeth as an insult.
    8. People who try and sign me up to whatever God they are promoting when I am trying to get to a bus stop.
    9. Tourists with cameras.
    10. People that scratch their balls/arse in public and the real bastards that sniff their hands afterwards.
    11. Thoughts that won’t just FUCK off.

    I’m sorry things are shit. I want to do terrible things to those invalidating bastards with a nine iron. Please stay safe Pan. We need you in one piece for next weekend.

    Lola x

  2. Sorry for stealing so much space in your comment box to add some more AKA have my own little rant xxx

    Fuck the fucking cunts who stare at my arms and inwardly scream FREAK at me before diverting their eyes to the ground or sky when I catch them in the act.

    Fuck my pile-of-bollocks but actually-really-lovely social worker who is never around when I actually need her.

    Fuck the CMHT receptionist whose answer to everything is “they’re in a meeting, can I take a message”. They should employ a robot in her place.

    Fuck the school holidays when 13/14/15 year olds decide to share their bottle of cider outside MY window then have their drunken emotional breakdowns (as is happening whilst I type these very words).

    Fuck all the showers of pissing tosspot bastards who have ever looked down their nose at me because I’m not in some form of gainful employment.

    Fuck the racist disgusting vile pile of wankers who are in support of the Westboro Baptist Church. I’m not sure where that one came from, something about them was just on TV and they make my fucking blood boil. I hope they all die. Slowly. Burning. If their feet aren’t warm by now then hell they should be.

    There’s lots more to add, but I will make this one my final one:

    Fuck all the cunts out there who think ‘depression’ means being a bit lazy and feeling a little bit sad. Who think ‘self harm’ is something for emo’s or overgrown ones, or perhaps arty-farty people who like to get a bit creative with their own blood droplets. Who think the word ‘schizophrenic’ means psycho freak. Who think that Bipolar sounds ‘hip and trendy’. Who think hallucinations sounds rather like seeing ‘fluffy happiness and cute things of shiny joy’ (sorry Pan my bad for stealing your line). Who think Borderline means Attention, Personality means Seeking and the only word they understand is Disorder. Fuck the cunts who think 12 sessions of CBT cures you. And the ones who promote DBT as their back-up plan. Fuck the bastards who have no experience of mental health and yet still get to decide whether or not you are sane enough to go back to work or live off Jobseekers. Fuck all of those who treat panic attacks like some sort of fucking joke who have no idea how close to death you feel. I could have said all of the above so much quicker:

    Fuck every person on the planet who has ever invalidated mental illness because they are quite simply ignorant cunts.

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