Penguins! Bunnies! Kittens! Puppies!*
In other words, when you’ve broken my code…
A List of Things and People That Can Go and Fuck Themselves
- NewVCB, for inexplicably pissing me off today.
- Mr Director Person and, in all probability, Mr Chief Executive.
- Random noises that I think represent entities that are lurking outside waiting to pounce on me when darkness falls.
- The bloody grey misery of this bloody country.
- Phones. Cunts. Fucking complete cunts. Need to die. Burn. See you in hell, phones, you fucking fuckers of fuckery.
- Fucking text messages. Sorry friends.
- Not self-harming. Cunt that shit.
- Being alive. Vastly overrated and pointless cuntified shit.
- This fucking bed, for not being comfortable, for not making me sleep and for being too fucking warm.
- Venlafuckingfaxine. Pile of steaming bollocks.
- Lazy MLA cunts for not yet having written back to me. Ditto Chair of the Health Committee.
- Me. Cunt.
- This blog. Fucking pile of pointless, narcissistic jism on a cunting plate.
- My fucking legs for having Restless fucking Legs Syndrome, or so it appears.
- Facebook. It’s just fucking shit.
- My various alma maters. Cunts, one and all.
- George cunting Osbourne. Smarmy, obnoxious twat.
- Michael Gove, whilst we’re on the governmental theme. Offensive cunt.
- You cuntbeads** at MI5 and/or GCHQ that are now reading this because I have mentioned you and senior ministers. Fuck you all.
- ‘They’, Fake-Paedo and all their hallucinatory friends. Fuck you, bastardfaces. I challenge you to return. Go on, I fucking dare you. Cunts.
- Wearing a fucking mask of ‘yeah, I’m fucking great, thank you for fucking asking,’ all the shitting time.
- Bono. What a complete and utter hypocritical, sanctimonious fucker of Satan and nefariousness. Go and fuck yourself, you fucking bloodcot tossrag. See you in fucking hell, you shitfaced cunt.
- This suburban street of fucking Joneses and polite hypocrisy and gossip. Piss off with your middle cunting classedness.
- Cunting, fucking, bastarding fucking soaps. Complete and uttery cuntery. Who watches these cuntified fuckfilled heaps of shittery bile? FUCK.
- CBT. DBT. Piles of wank.
- “Foodies”. Pretentious wankers.
- Today. Tomorrow. Forever.
- Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah
- EDITED TO ADD: Excellent addendum from Lovely Lola:
1. David Cameron – I know nothing about politics but his face offends me.
2. Whoever got rid of chocolate covered pretzels – Fuckers!
3. Anyone with a design shaved into their head.
4. Grown women with tiny dogs called “Froo-Froo” or similar nauseating bollocks.
5. Doctors that talk to you like you are a mentally disabled 4 year old who has lived in a cupboard their entire life.
6. Twats who wear their jeans around their thighs. [Pan – YES!!!! YESSSS!!!!!]
7. People that kiss their teeth as an insult.
8. People who try and sign me up to whatever God they are promoting when I am trying to get to a bus stop.
9. Tourists with cameras.
10. People that scratch their balls/arse in public and the real bastards that sniff their hands afterwards.
11. Thoughts that won’t just FUCK off.
* I am not suggesting that penguins, puppies, bunnies or kittens go and fuck themselves, by the way.
** This was meant to read ‘cuntheads’, but I decided I liked the typographical error more 🙂