Very much the wrong time to have this discussion, but I am clearly shit as a friend, a girlfriend and general acquaintance.
Cock this. Very long conversation tonight with A’s brother, an advisor with the CAB. He kept wanking on, drunkenly admittedly, that I can “do better” than claim from the government. I thought I was aware of this? Am I fucking missing something? Did I choose to be a dolescum?! But he worries that I am fucked, in terms of my prospects. Clearly I had thought of this. But what the fuck can I actually do about it? Fuck all, basically. Cos I’m mental!
So, I cut myself tonight. First time in years, but why not really? At least it will prove to the SSA, as if fucking proof were needed, that I am a crackpot. At least it proves to me that I am a pathetic piece of fucking crap.
The oddest thing is I am almost proud of my new scars. Very, very fucked up. More shortly, if I am cognisant of any form of reality, that is. xo