In the beginning, the computer functioned normally and efficiently. Although there were some malicious attacks directed against it, its firewall initially worked well, deflecting some and making sure the worst of the others was hidden deep in the computer’s hard-drive. The computer was responsive, hard-working and quick to process all tasks that it was assigned. [...]
I was bricking myself about this session with C, after his apparent transference-related realisations at the end of the last meeting. I don’t want to tell him I want him to hold me, stroke my hair, soothingly kiss my forehead and softly whisper protective words in my ear. I mean, who would want to reveal such intimate and one-sided desires? [...]
Apologies for the delay in the third post in this series; we had something of a disrupted week last week and last night represented A’s first chance to explore these issues. In this post, we’re talking about the direct impact on him of my illnesses, history of trauma and current treatments. Q: On a day [...]
This could be difficult to write about. C has, I think, worked out things that I didn’t want him to work out, and which is he is going to bring up at the next session [now already passed - I have been writing this bollocks on and off for 83 eons]. I hate this. I [...]
A few weeks ago I despaired as to how I would ever face my uncle again. After hallucinating him and being harassed extensively by ‘They’ in the wake of dealing with my sexual abuse issues in therapy, I was convinced – as were my psychiatrist, psychologist and GP – that seeing him in person would [...]
It was recently suggested that, particularly in writing this blog, I am a navel-gazing, diagnosis-obsessed, wallower. I suppose that I am, in fairness. Most of what I write here is long-winded negativity that probably doesn’t help any readers who feel that they are genuinely progressing to the fabled state of recovery. I have never been, [...]
Pandora’s partner, A, discusses her psychotic and dissociative episodes, and how he has curiously found these instances less frustrating than her periods of depression. [...]
I am (barely) recovering, thanks to the chemical assistance of Diazepam, from the worst anxiety attack I’ve suffered in months. One minute I was sitting here minding my own business, the next I could barely breathe. What triggered it? It’s stupid, really. All that happened was that A decided he would clear out two big [...]
I deal with a set of symptoms representing the diagnoses of BPD, C-PTSD, clinical depression and social anxiety on a daily basis. I fall victim to the nefarious antagonists of psychotic and dissociative episodes with more frequency than I would care for (although I must hat-tip the efficacy of Seroquel in decreasing the former, having [...]
I suppose I was in a strange mood last Thursday morning. What has been the case of late is that I don’t sleep well on Wednesday nights – ooh, surprise sur-bloody-prise – so when I arise the next morning, I pour an overdose of caffeine into my bloodstream, in the form of both coffee and [...]
Life continues to revolve around being mental; this week I saw both my psychiatrist and, of course, not-for-much-longer-my psychologist (blog to follow on him), and next week it’s my (lovely) GP and, again, not-for-much-longer-my psychologist. Yippee. Joy deep in my heart. Being this mental is a full-time job, you know. Those of you that actually [...]
Last Thursday’s session with C was the first one after the whole, ‘fuck it, I’m quitting therapy’ debacle of hilarious histrionics about which I wrote last Wednesday. I suppose my thoughts weighted in favour of leaving treatment at a time of my choosing were partly in light of the whole DID discussion that we had [...]
Note: this session took place just under three weeks ago and inevitably my recollection of it is skewed. I really don’t think much of great use happened anyway, but I will be leaving leaving stuff out. Apologies to C (as if he’ll ever read this) if I am in any way misrepresenting him (I don’t [...]
Just a quick post really (at least by my verbose standards). I’m not sure whether I’m actively seeking advice here or whether this will be rhetorical musing, but I’ll see where my fingers-to-the-keys take me. My mother rang me about 11am this morning, but I was suffering from a (fairly infrequent of late) Seroquel hangover, [...]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The latest draft. Dear Mr Director Person Re: Accessing Mental Health Services Previous correspondence refers. Thank you for your eventual response of 12 May 2010. I note with interest your willingness to point out that NICE guidelines are not always applicable in this jurisdiction, and that a regional team is “considering” the application of the [...]
I should turn this into a series of posts. It’s becoming something of a recurring theme, my own little comedy of errors if you will. It frustrates me endlessly, of course, but if you dig a little deeper there is something pathetically amusing about the whole sorry business, in a sort of wry, dark kind [...]
Hello once more, all. I returned on Monday from Turkey having had a lovely time and being in a surprisingly non-shit mood upon arrival back in Norn Iron. I think the good weather here helped; this country, for all its faults, is stunningly beautiful especially whilst bathed in bright sunlight. Anyway, I may report on [...]
The stupid dissociation scales once again featured at the opening of my session with C on Thursday 6 May. After last week advising me that he intended to examine them in detail and discuss them with me at the end of this session, he had then changed his mind, admitting (subtly) that he was perhaps [...]
This is my first post from my new laptop, which I awarded myself (in part) for reaching my first blogoversary. Although it’s a Windows machine – and I am used to and prefer Linux – I still love it. As a tablet PC, it has a touch screen, which has been enabling me to do [...]
So, here I am playing catch-up with the C sessions here, thanks to my recent laziness and endless forays into procrastination. Let me add an advisory preamble to this post: I’m afflicted right now with a terrible dose of Blog-and-life-inertia-itis, so don’t expect this to be remotely scintillating, like several of you curiously found Sunday’s [...]
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