I don’t know what to write. I can’t write anything meaningful, but I wanted to write something. Things seemed better for a while last week (apart from Tuesday evening), and I thought I’d mostly gotten over the adjustment to my increased dose of Venlafaxine. Indeed I was back on my normal daily dose of Quetiapine [...]
Life continues to revolve around being mental; this week I saw both my psychiatrist and, of course, not-for-much-longer-my psychologist (blog to follow on him), and next week it’s my (lovely) GP and, again, not-for-much-longer-my psychologist. Yippee. Joy deep in my heart. Being this mental is a full-time job, you know. Those of you that actually [...]
Over the weekend and today I’ve been cracking up completely (yeah, I know, <insert standard comment about it ‘being a bit late for that’ here>), and losing pieces of what fragile sanity I have left little by little. I posted the other day about how ‘They’ were plaguing me with their bile mantras emphasising my [...]
In the last post, the lovely Karita who blogs at If Narky, Feed Profusely commented that she had never felt suicidal. This got me thinking. Was there a time when I didn’t? I have had a fixation with death and dying from as far back as I can remember. My mother was disturbed when as [...]
The iPod has been acting as a mindreader again. I’m not in the habit of doing this as this blog is mine; my life, in my words. However, sometimes others just say it (whatever ‘it’ is) better than me, and this is very much one such occasion. So, ladies and gents, I give you the [...]
I was absolutely dreading seeing C last week, after the disaster of the previous week. Although the rawness of my hurt and anger had abated somewhat, I still felt fucked over and undermined, and obviously had no idea what he was thinking. In fact, I’d arrived at a position of relative indifference towards him, something [...]
Owing to the pain of this – - I’ve been somewhat in absentia from the blogosphere recently. Was this gash – which is actually worse than the above suggests, being as it was nearly a removed-tip-of-finger – deliberate? Was it fuck! I even commented on the annoying irony of this on Twitter. On Saturday the [...]
Well, fuck me, but didn’t the VCB actually manage to bother her arse seeing me today. Will wonders ever cease?! I took my Mum with me to the horrible, dilapidated, thoroughly depressing place as I wanted VCB to see that I was nervous about seeing her. And was I nervous, oh yes. I had had [...]
As you know, I’ve been on holiday, and as you also know, I promised I would go into more detail about the three mental health appointments I had in the days that preceded my departure. I had started this post well before going to Turkey, but despite my claim that I’d finish it on the [...]
Saw a new Senior House Officer, Dr A, who listened to how things had been and asked me to explain various specifics. After 20 minutes, she summarised things – missing a lot of points in my view, but I couldn’t be arsed arguing – then went to see Dr C. Dr A said either she [...]
The below is a list of symptoms that I have experienced since starting to take Venlafaxine (75mg) from 15 June. It is redacted in places, for either personal reasons or to help the ‘flow’ of this post, but essentially this is from a list I have been maintaining with the intention of showing Dr C [...]
So, yesterday saw C’s much anticipated return from his fortnight’s leave. As described here on Wednesday, I was pretty mental over the weekend period, but other than that, my madness was, by its own standards, fairly low-level during C’s absence. I had been surprised by this, thinking I’d completely lose the plot without him, but [...]
For a variety of reasons I simply haven’t had the opportunity to blog about my most recent session with C to date, so, with it now being the septiversary of our last meeting, it seems appropriate to try and do it now before my memory of the meeting dwindles further. Last week was weird, because [...]
This week has sucked, and I am glad it is nearing its completion. I’m actually in a fairly good mood now as I write this, but it’s the first day that I have actually felt that right from getting up. As you will know from Monday’s post, I’d been in bad form regarding the fucked-up [...]
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