Hahaha! Didn’t see this coming, did you Mr Director-Person? In all seriousness I don’t really expect it to do any good, but you never know. A friend of mine, through contacting her MP about the failures in her mental health care, did receive some very positive results, so it’s got to be worth a try. At [...]
Apologies for the delay in the third post in this series; we had something of a disrupted week last week and last night represented A’s first chance to explore these issues. In this post, we’re talking about the direct impact on him of my illnesses, history of trauma and current treatments. Q: On a day [...]
A few weeks ago I despaired as to how I would ever face my uncle again. After hallucinating him and being harassed extensively by ‘They’ in the wake of dealing with my sexual abuse issues in therapy, I was convinced – as were my psychiatrist, psychologist and GP – that seeing him in person would [...]
A minor modicum of good news amidst the current ocean of thick, virtually un-wade-able, shit. And, indeed, my second post on benefits within a few days; how odd. I’ve had a brief look through the archives for a contextual post to this, and cannot find one. The best I can do is the review of [...]
I’m petrified of the phone. This is not some sort of hyperbole indicating that I find telephonic communication to be a mild irritant or inconvenience. I’m honestly, truly terrified of it. I decided to write this post after a discussion developed on my Facebook page between a few of us that regard the act of [...]
I suppose I was in a strange mood last Thursday morning. What has been the case of late is that I don’t sleep well on Wednesday nights – ooh, surprise sur-bloody-prise – so when I arise the next morning, I pour an overdose of caffeine into my bloodstream, in the form of both coffee and [...]
I should turn this into a series of posts. It’s becoming something of a recurring theme, my own little comedy of errors if you will. It frustrates me endlessly, of course, but if you dig a little deeper there is something pathetically amusing about the whole sorry business, in a sort of wry, dark kind [...]
WARNING: RANT I am going on holiday this evening. Ergo, I will be (mostly) in absentia until at least 24 May. Unlike the preceeding hours before the last time I went on holiday, I am not in a good mood. I am, in fact, muderously livid. C is to blame (surprise surprise), even though it’s [...]
This is my first post from my new laptop, which I awarded myself (in part) for reaching my first blogoversary. Although it’s a Windows machine – and I am used to and prefer Linux – I still love it. As a tablet PC, it has a touch screen, which has been enabling me to do [...]
So, here I am playing catch-up with the C sessions here, thanks to my recent laziness and endless forays into procrastination. Let me add an advisory preamble to this post: I’m afflicted right now with a terrible dose of Blog-and-life-inertia-itis, so don’t expect this to be remotely scintillating, like several of you curiously found Sunday’s [...]
Walking home in the rain after meeting a friend for lunch today, it occurred to me how much responsibility is in my hands to not go completely doolally and get myself locked up, or to not end up in a fugue of a notably longer duration than the mini-fugues to which I am ‘used’. If [...]
Dear Paedo I rather think I win. You – in conjunction with your unwitting co-conspirators of my father, my bullies, my ex et al – may have made me mental. Nevertheless, I still win. I may be mental, but then so are you. At least I am young enough to have a fair prognosis, even [...]
I saw my consultant psychiatrist, NewVCB, for the second time this morning, an appointment that I’d been dreading for days. Even though my first encounter with her back in January had gone without any significant hitch, and even though I had established on that occasion that she was not as formidably intimidating as OldVCB, I [...]
TRIGGER WARNING – If you hadn’t guessed from the title, this post contains a number of references to child sexual abuse in varying degrees of detail. Please, please be careful if you think this material may trigger you. Take care, Pan x I received a text message from my cousin Sarah early this afternoon to [...]
I’ve made a few references to the relative anonymity of this blog in recent posts (here and here) and decided I would explore it more. I know many bloggers here in the madosphere write anonymously in order that they may reveal their deepest, darkest thoughts with complete impunity; for example, Bippidee gave a very good [...]
Week 42. Week 42. How can this be? I look back through this journal, and see prose referencing sessions as far back as week 10. I read through said posts, and remember clearly the discussions, the facial expressions, the tones of voice to which I have alluded. It all seems like yesterday. How did we [...]
Things were so much improved on Thursday from what they had been the week before. I think C’s mood and / or attitude was better than it had been, and I was feeling considerably more sane than I have of late, so between the two of us, the whole session felt a lot more productive. [...]
This hardly even warrants an entry, but in my obsession for complete records of my psychotherapy with C, I am going to write at least a rudimentary account of it anyway. The reason it doesn’t merit a post is not so much because it was a useless session – though in some ways it was [...]
Right. Red Bull substitute imbibed; chocolate, #jaffacakes and sweets ingested; curtains open for the first time in days. I’ve been hopelessly procrastinating in an attempt to avoid writing this – not because it’s a particularly difficult entry, just because the inertia and black dog of yesterday are very much still in evidence. I’m finding myself, [...]
Even though it’s just a litany of whining misery and suicidal self-hatred, I’ve really become rather fond of this blog. I’ve certainly put a lot of work into both its content and, since the move to a self-hosted WordPress domain, its aesthetics. I even invested money in moving it to its own domain, so that’s [...]
Let’s deal with these chronolgically and, coincidentally, in order of bad to good. FAIL On 17 December, I wrote to two mental health advocacy groups (Mindwise and the Northern Ireland Association for Mental Health) regarding the whole ‘you can only have 24 more sessions’ bullshit with C. Both have now responded, and both have represented [...]
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