WARNING: RANT I am going on holiday this evening. Ergo, I will be (mostly) in absentia until at least 24 May. Unlike the preceeding hours before the last time I went on holiday, I am not in a good mood. I am, in fact, muderously livid. C is to blame (surprise surprise), even though it’s [...]
I did a bit of acting as a child. If I hadn’t gone doolally as a teenager, or come to weigh 10,000 stone in my adulthood, it would have been the ideal profession; I am very, very good at it, and employ it in nearly all aspects of my normal living. Yesterday, aside from my [...]
Walking home in the rain after meeting a friend for lunch today, it occurred to me how much responsibility is in my hands to not go completely doolally and get myself locked up, or to not end up in a fugue of a notably longer duration than the mini-fugues to which I am ‘used’. If [...]
*** TRIGGER WARNING *** This goes into much more specific and disturbing detail than my last post of this nature. Please, please take care in reading this. If you’re in any doubt about how much you may or may not be triggered, click here instead. P. xxx Earlier, bourach at Conversations with my Head wrote [...]
Dear Paedo I rather think I win. You – in conjunction with your unwitting co-conspirators of my father, my bullies, my ex et al – may have made me mental. Nevertheless, I still win. I may be mental, but then so are you. At least I am young enough to have a fair prognosis, even [...]
So. Did I use this session to progress matters related to Paedo? As if. I was completely crap. As ever C defended me on the grounds that sessions are co-constructs, and he claims that he is culpable for any time-wasting too. But I don’t think he is – or at least he wasn’t on this [...]
I often get the impression that my mother relives her experiences of domestic violence at the hands of my father vicariously through me. I don’t mean that in the sense that she necessarily has visions of me knocking seven bells out of her, or that she sees my face when she recalls violent incidents, but [...]
I saw my consultant psychiatrist, NewVCB, for the second time this morning, an appointment that I’d been dreading for days. Even though my first encounter with her back in January had gone without any significant hitch, and even though I had established on that occasion that she was not as formidably intimidating as OldVCB, I [...]
TRIGGER WARNING – If you hadn’t guessed from the title, this post contains a number of references to child sexual abuse in varying degrees of detail. Please, please be careful if you think this material may trigger you. Take care, Pan x I received a text message from my cousin Sarah early this afternoon to [...]
Recent conversations with C regarding my experiences of child sex abuse have been highly suggestive that there’s a lot more to what happened than that which is recalled in my forefront, conscious memory. In recent sessions, and outside them at times too, I keep getting flashbacks of incidents of which I’d not previously been aware, [...]
The first article I’d like to look at this week is from the excellent After Silence blog, which is about regaining one’s confidence, hope, life – one’s voice – after rape or sexual assault. This particular entry discusses the physiological effects of post-traumatic stress disorder, which in the author’s case was of course caused by [...]
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