I am (barely) recovering, thanks to the chemical assistance of Diazepam, from the worst anxiety attack I’ve suffered in months. One minute I was sitting here minding my own business, the next I could barely breathe. What triggered it? It’s stupid, really. All that happened was that A decided he would clear out two big [...]
My descent into complete madness continues, ironically – I am convinced – as a result of anti-psychotic medication. I am fairly certain that I am experiencing, and have been experiencing, the phenomenon of akathisia. It is so difficult – impossible, I believe – to describe this thing of complete awfulness in any coherent or accessible [...]
The iPod has been acting as a mindreader again. I’m not in the habit of doing this as this blog is mine; my life, in my words. However, sometimes others just say it (whatever ‘it’ is) better than me, and this is very much one such occasion. So, ladies and gents, I give you the [...]
I have been incredibly good recently and haven’t self-harmed for about a fortnight. That’s good going for me since May. That does not mean it isn’t on my mind, though. I think about it almost all the time – well, either self-harm or suicide. As things stand right now, it isn’t about feeling pain, or [...]
I am sure that one does not require the IQ of Einstein or his counterparts to work out, from the last post, that bleakness, futility and utter self-disgust presently permeate my existence. There were precipitating factors, but I am not prepared to discuss them in any detail here. I do keep this blog primarily for [...]
I’ve mentioned the voice quite a bit lately, but I haven’t really gone into any detail about it. Largely, that’s because there’s not really a great deal about him to discuss. Still, I thought I’d make my best effort, as quite clearly hearing voices represents psychosis (or at least something odd), which clearly does not [...]
As you know, I’ve been on holiday, and as you also know, I promised I would go into more detail about the three mental health appointments I had in the days that preceded my departure. I had started this post well before going to Turkey, but despite my claim that I’d finish it on the [...]
Saw a new Senior House Officer, Dr A, who listened to how things had been and asked me to explain various specifics. After 20 minutes, she summarised things – missing a lot of points in my view, but I couldn’t be arsed arguing – then went to see Dr C. Dr A said either she [...]
C didn’t believe me when I told him this, but prior to Thursday’s session, I had had no more than about five hours’ sleep in the preceding three weeks. I believe that for a while I’ve been in something of a hypomanic state; my experiences have included racing thoughts, restlessness, insomnia even whilst on sleeping [...]
Today sucks ram and ass bollocks. My range of happy experiences since last night are the delightful following: The fabulous agitated depression * Severe depersonalisation Paranoia Anxiety (of course) Insomnia (what a surprise) Racing and disjointed thoughts (related to, or a symptom of, the agitated depression, naturally) Physical restlessness – rocking back and forth, desire [...]
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