So.  After the misery of January and the earlier part of this month, I had thought that things were beginning to find more of an even keel.  That perhaps the Quetiapine / Venlafaxine ( / psychotherapy?) combination might be starting to yield some results.  My motivation is still shockingly low, but my mood is higher [...]

Apparently I wrote this epic gem of a post on Thursday, post-C. It reminds me of a diatribe that A wrote to his friend W whilst in the early, very bleak years of his long university career:
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck it all,
My fucking life.
Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck it all,
My fucking dick.
Here is [...]

This hardly even warrants an entry, but in my obsession for complete records of my psychotherapy with C, I am going to write at least a rudimentary account of it anyway.
The reason it doesn’t merit a post is not so much because it was a useless session – though in some ways it was – [...]

Thanks, anti-psychotics.  You’re doing a fabulous job.  I’m still actively suicidal, fighting every second not to give in to my overwhelming desire to top myself, and now, as well as hearing ‘They’, I’m seeing fucking gnomes walking down the street, and strange shapes floating past my direct vision.
The gnome ignored me, like.  It just walked [...]

Even though it’s just a litany of whining misery and suicidal self-hatred, I’ve really become rather fond of this blog. I’ve certainly put a lot of work into both its content and, since the move to a self-hosted Wordpress domain, its aesthetics. I even invested money in moving it to its own domain, [...]

*** STANDARD TRIGGER WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL IS UPCOMING; I HEREBY ADVISE YOU AGAINST READING IT IF YOU FEEL THAT IT MAY SET YOU OFF…BUT I KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO READ IT ANYWAY, SO THAT’S A BIT POINTLESS, BUT I PROBABLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE I LIKE EVERYONE THAT I KNOW READS THIS DRIVEL, SO PLEASE [...]

Thursday was the first day back to therapy after C’s Christmas break.  It was a successful session in a long-term sort of way, but was nevertheless very traumatic for me, tackling as it did a lot of hurt and vulnerabilities that I don’t want to face nor admit to.  There was nothing specific that was [...]

Let’s deal with these chronolgically and, coincidentally, in order of bad to good.
FAIL
On 17 December, I wrote to two mental health advocacy groups (Mindwise and the Northern Ireland Association for Mental Health) regarding the whole ‘you can only have 24 more sessions’ bullshit with C.  Both have now responded, and both have represented something of [...]

Christmas and the arrival of 2010 have seen some disruption to your usual service from SI. It seemed impossible to get a chance to write on the latest C session, given as these post seem to be the most ridiculously detailed.
This post shouldn’t be overly detailed, as a lot of it was repetitive [...]

The week before Christmas, I had to see a GP that I don’t normally attend, owing to the fact that LGP is so popular that I couldn’t get an appointment with him. The appointment was mainly to confirm the diagnosis of IBS, given as I had a number of blood tests to rule out [...]