*** STANDARD TRIGGER WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL IS UPCOMING; I HEREBY ADVISE YOU AGAINST READING IT IF YOU FEEL THAT IT MAY SET YOU OFF…BUT I KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO READ IT ANYWAY, SO THAT’S A BIT POINTLESS, BUT I PROBABLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE I LIKE EVERYONE THAT I KNOW READS THIS DRIVEL, SO PLEASE [...]
Protected: Pointlessly Stupid Navel-Gazing Repetitive Nonsense – C: Week 37
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Wasn’t it 1992 that the Queen said was her annus horribilis? Well, let’s fast forward 17 years to now, New Year’s Eve, 2009. This year has turned out to be the annus horribilis of your humble narrator – mostly. I’ve been on the brink of sectioning on a number of occasions, the brink of suicide [...]
First Signs are a UK-based charitable organisation devoted to the prevention, or at least the minimisation of, self-harm. Whilst as regular readers of this blog will know, I don’t really see the big issue with (controlled) self-harm, I can and do admire the work that FS are undertaking. If nothing else, at least they’re raising [...]
Thursday was fucking traumatic, a state of affairs of which you are probably aware given my citation of the disturbing imagery of Metallica’s Until It Sleeps that evening. You’ll have seen on that post that my iPod was reading my mind again in playing it – and other songs on similarly dark themes – but [...]
I’ve been avoiding writing this entry, in part due to a continuing malaise with being arsed to do anything, never mind soul-searching and expunging myself across the internet. But it’s not just been that. There’s nothing that I am going to say that is unknown amongst the circles that read this blog, but talking about [...]
I have been incredibly good recently and haven’t self-harmed for about a fortnight. That’s good going for me since May. That does not mean it isn’t on my mind, though. I think about it almost all the time – well, either self-harm or suicide. As things stand right now, it isn’t about feeling pain, or [...]
Well, fuck me, but didn’t the VCB actually manage to bother her arse seeing me today. Will wonders ever cease?! I took my Mum with me to the horrible, dilapidated, thoroughly depressing place as I wanted VCB to see that I was nervous about seeing her. And was I nervous, oh yes. I had had [...]
Of course, almost by definition, being on holiday is not normality. It is a break from it, a break from the humdrum everyday mundanity that is the rat-race in which most of us here in the West have to engage (or not if you’re a dolescum like me, but anyhow), not an experience we can [...]
As you know, I’ve been on holiday, and as you also know, I promised I would go into more detail about the three mental health appointments I had in the days that preceded my departure. I had started this post well before going to Turkey, but despite my claim that I’d finish it on the [...]
Saw a new Senior House Officer, Dr A, who listened to how things had been and asked me to explain various specifics. After 20 minutes, she summarised things – missing a lot of points in my view, but I couldn’t be arsed arguing – then went to see Dr C. Dr A said either she [...]
As any of you who have read this blog since I began it in May will know, it has long since been my intention to write about each of the different therapists of one description or another that I’ve seen over the years. The idea was inspired by the same type of post by Introspective [...]
I had what I felt was a really good session with C on Thursday. That, to me, seems like an odd thing to say, as the best I’ve had to say upon departure in the past is that it ‘wasn’t bad’ or some such, but I actually left the other day feeling very positive about [...]
The below is a list of symptoms that I have experienced since starting to take Venlafaxine (75mg) from 15 June. It is redacted in places, for either personal reasons or to help the ‘flow’ of this post, but essentially this is from a list I have been maintaining with the intention of showing Dr C [...]
For a variety of reasons I simply haven’t had the opportunity to blog about my most recent session with C to date, so, with it now being the septiversary of our last meeting, it seems appropriate to try and do it now before my memory of the meeting dwindles further. Last week was weird, because [...]
This week has sucked, and I am glad it is nearing its completion. I’m actually in a fairly good mood now as I write this, but it’s the first day that I have actually felt that right from getting up. As you will know from Monday’s post, I’d been in bad form regarding the fucked-up [...]
So, after my grovelling apology and new-found respect for Dr C back in June, the current behaviour of her and her team has reinforced to me why I thought they were shit in the first place. I was supposed to be seeing Dr C next Tuesday, so as she could review how the change to [...]
I told him everything. Everything I could think of. I told him about the hanging attempt, and the self-harm of the same weekend. I told him about the carving of ‘HATE’ onto my stomach. I told him about the delusions I’ve experienced lately. I told him how I almost obsessively read pro-suicide newsgroups on the [...]
WARNING: SOME OF THIS MATERIAL MAY BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE DON’T READ ON IF YOU THINK THAT MAY APPLY TO YOU: I DON’T WANT TO CAUSE ANYONE ANY HARM OR PAIN. I’ve written about my self-harm before but I engaged in an especially…er…interesting version of it this week. I’ll come back to that shortly. One thing [...]
What a strange few days it has been, mainly due to the fact that I’m a fucking mental crackpot twatfaced prick who can’t behave sensibly for more than a few hours. It all started on Friday night. A and I had been out for a few quiet drinks and a nice meal. We then came [...]
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