I was bricking myself about this session with C, after his apparent transference-related realisations at the end of the last meeting. I don’t want to tell him I want him to hold me, stroke my hair, soothingly kiss my forehead and softly whisper protective words in my ear. I mean, who would want to reveal such intimate and one-sided desires? [...]
19 Aug2009
Adrenaline is a wonderful thing in many ways. It is responsible, at least in part, for the flight-or-fight instinct we humans (and other animals) need to survive when a potential threat may pose danger to us. It can save us from injury, and even from death. The problem with adrenaline is that by its very [...]
17 Jun2009
One of Dr C‘s minions phoned yesterday to report that an appointment has been made for me this Friday at 9.30am. Aside from being frightened of nasty Dr C and the possibility of yet another panel interview-esque meeting with her and Dr N, I am kind of angry. I was referred to a psychiatrist in [...]
14 Jun2009
I started writing the below on Thursday straight after C, but completely lost momentum at the bit where I was talking about telling C about my iPhone mood tracking from Tuesday. I intended to write more on Friday, but that most horrible and frightening of things, real life, interfered. On Thursday night, I received word [...]
Last night, I had my first real episode of (negative) mania and loss of lucidity since the birthday party incident. Well, strictly speaking it was this morning – shortly after 2.30am, during a fairly typical night of insomnia. I was in a frenzy, though the physical manifestations of it can’t have been that strong, as [...]
15 May2009
Very much the wrong time to have this discussion, but I am clearly shit as a friend, a girlfriend and general acquaintance. Cock this. Very long conversation tonight with A’s brother, an advisor with the CAB. He kept wanking on, drunkenly admittedly, that I can “do better” than claim from the government. I thought I [...]
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