I saw my consultant psychiatrist, NewVCB, for the second time this morning, an appointment that I’d been dreading for days.  Even though my first encounter with her back in January had gone without any significant hitch, and even though I had established on that occasion that she was not as formidably intimidating as OldVCB, I [...]

Things were so much improved on Thursday from what they had been the week before.  I think C’s mood and / or attitude was better than it had been, and I was feeling considerably more sane than I have of late, so between the two of us, the whole session felt a lot more productive.  [...]

Things are going more and more downhill in session.  Every one over the last few weeks seems to end up brimming over with hostility and defensiveness from both sides, and last week was no different.  I think he is finding me an increasingly difficult patient.  I am certainly finding negotiation of the therapeutic relationship increasingly [...]

This hardly even warrants an entry, but in my obsession for complete records of my psychotherapy with C, I am going to write at least a rudimentary account of it anyway.
The reason it doesn’t merit a post is not so much because it was a useless session – though in some ways it was – [...]

My descent into complete madness continues, ironically – I am convinced – as a result of anti-psychotic medication.  I am fairly certain that I am experiencing, and have been experiencing, the phenomenon of akathisia.
It is so difficult – impossible, I believe – to describe this thing of complete awfulness in any coherent or accessible way, [...]

Right. Red Bull substitute imbibed; chocolate, #jaffacakes and sweets ingested; curtains open for the first time in days. I’ve been hopelessly procrastinating in an attempt to avoid writing this – not because it’s a particularly difficult entry, just because the inertia and black dog of yesterday are very much still in evidence. [...]

In the last post, the lovely Karita who blogs at If Narky, Feed Profusely commented that she had never felt suicidal.  This got me thinking.  Was there a time when I didn’t?
I have had a fixation with death and dying from as far back as I can remember.  My mother was disturbed when as a [...]

*** STANDARD TRIGGER WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL IS UPCOMING; I HEREBY ADVISE YOU AGAINST READING IT IF YOU FEEL THAT IT MAY SET YOU OFF…BUT I KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO READ IT ANYWAY, SO THAT’S A BIT POINTLESS, BUT I PROBABLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE I LIKE EVERYONE THAT I KNOW READS THIS DRIVEL, SO PLEASE [...]

Thursday was the first day back to therapy after C’s Christmas break.  It was a successful session in a long-term sort of way, but was nevertheless very traumatic for me, tackling as it did a lot of hurt and vulnerabilities that I don’t want to face nor admit to.  There was nothing specific that was [...]

Christmas and the arrival of 2010 have seen some disruption to your usual service from SI. It seemed impossible to get a chance to write on the latest C session, given as these post seem to be the most ridiculously detailed.
This post shouldn’t be overly detailed, as a lot of it was repetitive [...]