In the beginning, the computer functioned normally and efficiently. Although there were some malicious attacks directed against it, its firewall initially worked well, deflecting some and making sure the worst of the others was hidden deep in the computer’s hard-drive.
The computer was responsive, hard-working and quick to process all tasks that it was assigned. Over time, however, with the large number of files it had in internal storage, the hard-drive became stretched to the limits. Neither did the computer have enough random access memory to adequately cope with the smooth running of normal day-to-day applications. The computer was markedly slowing down – and giving up.
The computer was taken to PC World where it was advised that its users should take it out into the “fresh air” before putting it into hibernation mode. An assurance was given that this would alleviate the computer’s problematic sluggishness. Alas, this was not to be.
The computer subsequently hired a number of consultants, one of whom advised the computer that its problems were not its problems per se, but the way it and its users thought about its problems. The consultant advised the computer that its internal pathways could easily be restored to their former position of normal functionality if the computer’s problems were merely viewed in a different light. Alas, it also was not to be.
Eventually, though, the computer was sent to a competent technician, who understood its particular types of issues well, having even done research in the field. The computer was most encouraged, though it recognised that inevitably the work done to it would be often slow, labourious and rather intricate.
In the course of the work, the technician discovered the files deeply hidden earlier in the computer’s life, and started to explore their contents. Unfortunately, these files contained viruses which, once released by the technician, spread throughout the computer’s hard-drive like wildfire. The technician attempted to install anti-virus software to kill the viruses, or at least mitigate the damage caused by them to the computer’s drive. However, the technician’s manager – and, later, the Director of the company – then dictated that the technician’s time with this particular computer was up.
Left to their own devices, the viruses, now running completely loose throughout the hard-drive, caused the computer’s operating system to behave even more erratically than it previously had, in some instances even causing it to act as though it were an entirely different operating system. The defragmentation program failed to work. Applications crashed or returned invalid data, and it became apparent that even hardware failure might become an issue.
Perhaps little more than a simple reboot would have once helped the computer to function at optimum level. Now, however, it needs a complete re-install of its operating system…and indeed, the kindest fate for it may be for it to finally display the Blue Screen of Death.
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Don’t go to the blue screen of death. I know it’s bloody difficult.
I find that sedatives can make the viruses less painful to deal with. Not too many!
T_T
It took me a moment to realise what was going on here…
System restore!
Ugh. I had this come up on my two dell laptops a little over a year and a half a go. They were caput after that. You know what? My computers were the exact same make and model when I got them, and they died in the same way within a month of each other. I think they have a built-in failure virus.
If only we could system restore back to a time when everything was ok, where we could start life from again. But when would that time be… for me anyway it would be impossible to pinpoint. Then a complete change of hard drive and deletion of all old memory files seems like a good idea, a permanent deletion of all the old files and a place to start building new files and new memory completely from scratch. That’s something I have wondered before, would it be better to completely erase absolutely every memory I have in order to start again and build a happier future… but then there are a lot of memories that I would actually like to hold onto. It’s so hard to deal with the build up of viruses, system crashes, memory overloads, deletion of particular files and so on. Especially when you begin the virus removal process and for a brief moment things can look a little hopeful only for all of those files to start becoming infected again. I’m so sorry your technicians are so fucking useless right now hun but I hope you can try and avoid the temptations of the blue death screen, I went there last night and when failure occurs its like the full system – monitor and all internal parts – are thrown out of the window and smashed to pieces but you still have no choice but to carry on using them, even in their smashed up state.
Sending you big (((hugs))) and hoping you can hang on in there xxx
Very intelligent analogy.
I say that the computer does have other options that are a lot better than the blue screen of death though, I vote a system restore too.
I know you’re finding the impending cessation of therapy hard, which is completely understandable, but please try and hang in there.
Take care,
Cassie xx
I agree with Cassie, it is a very good analogy. I wish I knew what to say to offer some comfort…
I hate the blue screen of death. My last computer did it all the time at random
Many hugs
outwardly x
It’s of little help, but I’m sorry.
So you’ve come to a stop – why should that be a bad thing?
If you believe you are Bipolar then you move in cycles, or waves with peaks and troughs.
If you believe yourself to be Borderline, well you’re not meant to be consistent.
Research into psychotherapy suggests most of the benefit occurs in the first three months and then tails of rapidly.
You like C, so a forced ending cannot be satisfactory.
You set yourself goals, then circumstances inevitably change – if your goals don’t change too, then it feels like failure.
When you stop, at first you feel worse, you become aware of how much pain your body has been carrying around. The fastest way to relieve mental distress, is to physically relax.
Be kind to yourself.
xN
Thanks for the comments all. I fear that a system restore is not possible though, as no back-up of the computer’s hard-drive was ever made to which to restore things
Perhaps the MP that represents the computer can help, or perhaps it is possible to find a technician of equal (or at least similar) competence somewhere down the line. The computer is in a very bad state to be sure, but it’s not 100% out of options just yet 