26 Dec2009
…has been fucking awful. I had a complete psychotic break on Christmas Night after the stress of engaging with the MMcFs (and in particular Paedo) all day and heard ‘They’ telling me to kill Marcus. Obvioulsly I didn’t. I also told A, apparently believing completely, that ScumFan was a drug-dealer (he’s not) and that A was actually his sister in disguise (!).
Boxing Day has been a fucking nightmare too, though on a lesser scale. But the psychoses of last night are what matters. It is time to be hospitalised.
‘They’ told me that smothering Marcus would be “a mercy”. Maybe or maybe not, the very thought of harming him is beyond contempt.
Enough is enough.
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There is nothing I can say. I am sending you as much love as a comment box will allow. I hope you are safe. (((Hggs))
Lola x
Very interested to note that two people found this entry worthy of rating…and of rating highly!
Calmer today, by the way. Considering how to proceed.
Oh I’m so sorry SI, sounds awful. Let us know what you decide. Thinking of you. xx
Have you been hospitalized before? If not, be sure you know what to expect and where you will go before you admit yourself — the levels of stewardship and care vary pretty hugely from place to place, and some people find the experience, even when voluntary, to be traumatic in a way that’s hard to get past. Is there a way to work out a different type of safety plan with C? And I do wish the world would unite to eliminate Christmas entirely; it’s responsible for so much suffering.
I hope you work out what’s happening. Try and find out what your local unit is like before you admit yourself. There is no way I’d go voluntarily in mine again!
Take care and yes, see your GP and be honest with them. xx
Thank you Lola, your support means a lot to me
Lots of love and hugs to you too. Take care xxx
Thanks hun, I appreciate your support so much. I hope you has a better few days. I’m hoping the worst of the psychosis were stress-induced, but the moment I hear any more threatening bullshit from ‘They’ I will probably make an emergency appointment with a GP
I’ll keep you updated whatever happens.
Love and hugs xxx
I haven’t, no. However, I’m well aware that for many people – especially in NHS psychiatric wards – it is a frankly horrific experience. I’m especially terrified of group therapy, and I know that some individuals in such a ward would be completely psychotic, which might be disturbing (though I would like to hope they’d be in intensive care). I haven’t decided what to do yet. On the one hand, I think the viciousness of ‘They’ on Christmas Day was induced by the severe stress of the day. On the other, I can’t avoid stress for the rest of my life, so a short stay in the bin might be able to sort out my medication properly, because apparently asking the psychiatrists in outpatients to do so is like asking Adolf Hitler to play Nintendogs with a disabled gay Jew.
I may still go to my GP for advice, although I had a run in with one of them the other day and have lodged a complaint (blog on this shortly). Either way, I’ll keep my readership updated.
Thanks and take care
Thanks for your support hun. I’m still figuring it out but am hoping to avoid hospital – fingers crossed.
Take care xxx