Comments on: I Hate Psychotherapy and I Hate Transference – C: Week 15

By: Serial Insomniac

Serial Insomniac — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:29:59 +0000

Hugs. That sounds terrible. C offered me group therapy when I first met him but I think it was only half-hearted as he picked up on my concerns about doing it all in that way right from the start. The stuff about relating everything you said back to others in peoples’ lives does indeed sound maddening. I think I would have screamed in the therapists’ faces! Well done you

I think you make a very fair point – it kind of does feel a little manipulative, even though I appreciate rationally that that’s not what is intended. It is interesting to hear that you feel it some ways it did uncover a lot for you. I do think there’s merit in it in many ways, and it’s certainly better than the other method of therapy he’s been trying to explore with me (DBT) but the transference really, really sucks.

I hope your ongoing therapy is helpful and workable for you. Thanks very much for dropping by and sharing your experiences and thoughts with me – I appreciate it All the best x

By: beautifulstones

beautifulstones — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:01:59 +0000

I spent 9 months in a residential therapeutic community that works on the basis of psychodynamic group psychotherapy – and got my fair share of transference and this kind of interaction with therapists. It makes me CRAZY! But supposedly it gets us to do the kind of work we need to do. I experienced a really similar thing this week in fact. (I now do 1-1 with a systemic family therapist and attend a follow on group which is psychodynamic – makes for an interesting mix). There are a number of therapists in the group and I was asking one of them somthing and they just wouldn’t answer me. And the other members of staff were like “why is it so important that X says what she thinks? What is it you are actually looking for? Who does X represent for you right now?” AAHHHH. It drove me mad. But by acting in a really similar way to my mother, she induced this response in me, and made me deal with the deep issue – not feeling ever heard or acknowledged by my parents, never feeling they cared, not being told the truth…… But do they HAVE to go about it this way?! Sometimes I’m grateful for it- retrospectively, but sometimes it feels like manipulation.

Anyway I just wanted to say thanks for your writing and I hear ya!

By: fromthesamesky

fromthesamesky — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:53:04 +0000

It does sound like he could have gone about it in a better way, but nobody is perfect I guess.

Yes she does. At first I think she found it somehow, and when I asked if she read it she got a bit embarrassed (mostly because she realised I could tell when she was reading it) even though I said it was ok, and she stopped reading. I’m quite glad she stopped because I feel freer to write whatever I need to now, but occasionally I’ll direct her there to read something I’ve written rather than copy it into an email. Gives our therapy a risky edge!

Thankyou by the way (blushing). I don’t blog so much from the therapist side as the client’s mostly, but I suppose it has to come into it at times.

By: Serial Insomniac

Serial Insomniac — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:45:45 +0000

Yeah, that annoyed me too – if he didn’t have a problem with it then why present it in such a way as if he did? I recognise that he was investigating the transference issues probably but nevertheless I wonder could it not have been done more sympathetically.

It’s interesting that your therapist sometimes reads your blog. I’ve often thought of suggesting the very same to C but then catastrophise about his reaction to that might be :-/

You have a great blog. There are so many interesting ones on this subject out there but you’re one of the few that blogs about life on “both” sides. Fascinating insight!

Thanks for the comments and take care x

By: fromthesamesky

fromthesamesky — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:34:58 +0000

Wow – tough session! I hate it too when they aren’t being straight with you … why did he have to make it sound like he was cross and upset about the blog? It’s no wonder you had a freak-out.

I write about my T a lot online … I figure as long as nobody knows who she is then it is ok. (And she has never complained, even knowing that I write on there, even when I let her read it). Heck, the whole online therapeutic community write about their therapists so you aren’t alone.

Anyway. Transference is fucking painful and I’m not surprised you need to rant about it. Keep ranting! (And yes, I am a little mental myself …)

Hugs

By: Serial Insomniac

Serial Insomniac — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:07:19 +0000

LOL, yes, he’s kind of the opposite of me in that regard – I have a penchant for hyperbolic histrionics, whereas C is calm and measured and indeed quite capable of understatements

Of course hugs are allowed. Always welcome. Thank you

Take care x

By: Phil Groom

Phil Groom — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:59:58 +0000

He said that he got the impression I was quite anxious.

Hmm. A master of the understatement, eh?

As for forming relationships online: I’m the same.

Big hugs from me too, if that’s allowed.

By: Serial Insomniac

Serial Insomniac — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:54:13 +0000

Thanks darling. This is what I meant when I defended my internet life to him. People like you bother to take the time to empathise with me because you either are or have been where I am.

My transference isn’t sexual or romantic in nature, but it is strong as this post attests. I think you sum it up very well here re: your comments on Paul.

Heh, maybe I should get Dr C to fuck me over so I can fall out with C and resolve this lol. Nah, only joking

You take care and big hugs right back at you. Lots of love xxx

By: bourach

bourach — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:22:46 +0000

That sounds so hard sweetie. Sometimes things you don’t realise just grab you by the gut and so so fucking twist it’s unbelievable.

I don’t think your transference is abnormal at all. I was like that for a long time with Paul (secret name for him was cutiedoc) and I’m a fucking lezzie. I just wanted him to be there and to care and to understand and to be safe. And I a hundred million times didn’t want to let him down or hurt him or do anything bad to him. It sort of sorted itself out when we fell out and made up but the whole thing was a bit weird.

Big hugs medear – you deserve them xx